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Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot December 18, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Under the First Lady's new obesity guidelines, you are not allowed to bet someone a dollar to a donut anymore... Also under the guidelines, any cookies left out for Santa this year must be gluten-free... I see they've changed "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" a little. Herbie no longer wants to be a dentist because of stipulations in Obamacare... According to the CDC, flu season in the United States is off to its earliest start in a decade. Great. If this trend continues, soon it'll be starting in October like the Christmas decorations... The National Organization for Women issued a statement that President Obama's cabinet should be half female. Biden misunderstood the statement and went out and got breast implants... I don't begrudge Obama his vacations. It's all the time in between his vacations that I find he does a crappy job... Tony Robbins seminars are less fawning than the press corps is for Barack Obama... Man, there are some angry drivers out there. You know what my new greeting is to people? "Hi - get some help"... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot December 11, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
I still respect the office, but I don't respect the man anymore. Really Barack? Al Sharpton?... Obama will approve the Keystone Pipeline as long he's allowed to move illegals through it... Just saw Obama's new pick for Secretary of Defense. Is that Buddy Hackett's son Sandy?... Are we really willing to trust that, if Iran gets the bomb, they won't immediately use it on Israel? Depending on the good offices of bad people seems like a no-win to me... You can't compare the War on Terror to the Cold War. Nikita Khrushchev at his shoe-bangingest looks positively quaint next to these lunatics... Politics is religion for atheists... You just know that if you hired Biden to mow your lawn, within ten minutes he'd be knocking at your door clutching a bloody stump because he reached under to pull a clump of grass out without turning the mower off. Well, since we can't trust him to mow the lawn, let's make him the second most powerful man in the world... This administration won't be happy until the only people in Gitmo are the ones who interrogated the former Gitmo detainees... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot December 4, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Islam is popular in poor countries because it prohibits things people can't afford anyway... Good riddance to all those Democrats that got beat in the mid-terms. Don't let the door hit you in the Biden... Al Sharpton's comeuppance is having to go through life as himself... The White House Christmas Tree got delivered. Not through the front door - it came over the fence... The National Organization for Women issued a statement that President Obama's cabinet should be half female. Biden misunderstood the statement and went out and got breast implants... The downside of the government teat? When you take away the darkness of the abyss as a possibility if you don't hustle it, you cut the heart out of human existence... According to the CDC, flu season in the United States is off to its earliest start in a decade. Great. If this trend continues, soon it'll be starting in October like the Christmas decorations... I don't begrudge Obama his vacations. It's all the time in between his vacations that I find he does a crappy job... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot November 20, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Man, there are some angry drivers out there. You know what my new greeting is to people? "Hi, get some help"... Liberals don't even want to know the "little people" they're saving. Liberal compassion consists of strutting around the room bragging about which of your chattel you're saving... Behind closed doors, the vast majority of liberals are Gruber... What Gruber meant to say is that John Roberts is too stupid... The New York Times is no longer the paper of record, it's just a building in New York that foreign acrobats climb... How clever - Democrats are using their huge screw ups as a distraction from their numerous smaller screw ups... Thanks to Obama, right now ISIS's biggest problem is what to name the new country when they finish taking territory... Honest Obama speech: walk to the podium, say "I've signed amnesty," give the finger, and walk off... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot November 13, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
I had a Jewish friend who held a cannabris - they only smoked the tips of the marijuana leaves... You don't have to caricature Harry Reid to get at his essential badness... As Majority Leader, Harry Reid has consistently been the blockage in the renal canal of the legislative process... New ISIS kids' show: Sharia Lewis and Handchop... Board game idea: Consequential Pursuit, where the questions are all big, like "Who won the Second World War?"... The only time Obama offers you an olive branch is if he knows you go into anaphylactic shock from olives... Washington fought the Red Coats, Reagan fought the Red Menace, and Obama's fighting the Red States... Look at all the red on the map on election night. That red's paying for all that blue... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot November 6, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Julian Assange looks like Illya Kuryakin if he were the Dinty Moore guy... Ironically, the pants in Julian Assange's new clothing line are all button fly, which makes it hard to take a leak... North Korea's banned all tourism to stop Ebola. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but why can't we be more like North Korea?... Tuesday was everything I hoped for and more... Sandy Fluke: blow it out your diaphragm - that I paid for... That Perdue guy went through Georgia like Sherman... Mary Landrieu is like a Hillary Clinton Mini-me... I flipped over to MSNBC after the election and they looked like they were on the dessert course at Jonestown... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot October 30, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
If they put Wolf Blitzer in a turtleneck, he'd be Captain Nemo... I still care about the helpless, but I've stopped caring about the clueless... Liberals believe in complete cradle to the grave entitlement, it's just tough making it to the cradle with them... The only reason I came to New York is that I wanted to get my free temperature reading at Newark Airport... Nancy Snyderman obviously the leading contender to be the next Surgeon General... You can tell the Ebola situation is getting really bad - Obama cancelled a fundraiser... The civilized world needs to let the uncivilized world know that the hammer's gonna fall, or we're screwed... I was looking at my scoresheet, and if I can find an ISIS guy with Ebola, I've got End of the World Yahtzee... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot October 23, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Don't want to say we live in epochal times, but my TV just blurred during the news, refocused, and the local weather guy is now Dave Bowman... Someone should remake the "Thin Man" films with Ambien instead of cocktails... I'm not saying the economy's bad, but while I was out and about I saw William Devane selling oranges on the median strip... A new study shows that the climate is changing faster than liberals can make money off it... If Horace Greeley were alive today, he'd say "Go West, young man, and get a check"... There's a reason California's shaped like a Christmas stocking... Obama's not malevolent, he's just an inept civil servant. He's the guy working the toll booth who keeps giving back the wrong change... Don't look at me, I didn't vote for him... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot October 16, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
I predict in Variety in the next 5 working days you'll read that "Sharkbola" has been greenlit... Should you panic about Ebola? No. Should you trust these government clowns when they tell you not to panic about Ebola? Also no... Try telling a global warming fanatic "don't panic" and watch how quickly they go nuts... We don't fix anything anymore. The fix is to tell people not to panic about the things we haven't fixed... Things are going "swimmingly" in America under Obama. Much like how "A Star Is Born" ended for Norman Maine... I can think of no one who represents modern liberalism more accurately than Big Eddie Schultz! #congratsbigman... It's not Andy Griffith Nation anymore, it's Barney Fife Nation... Don't look at me, I didn't vote for him... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot October 9, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Wasn't Bo Bergdahl the Hee Haw dog's name?... I'm hearing rumblings that Obama wants to put boots on the ground in China because they won't assist in the War on Global Warming... I know the White House isn't into it, but I would encourage them to establish a border around the White House... We spend all our time talking about ice and not enough time talking about ISIS... I guess I'm just going to have to trust that Obama and the Progressives know what they're doing here killing anything that moves... Nobody shoots his cuffs more after he's had his ass handed to him than Barack Obama... Reason the Marine's still in the Mexican jail is that this administration is not going to fight against any federal gun laws, even Mexico's... If Affleck were an actor in the Muslim world, he'd have an Oscar for a movie called "Good Will Decapitated"... And dot's dot, folks!
 
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