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THE DENNIS MILLER SHOW
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Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot April 17, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Authorities in San Francisco are looking for the people who flipped over 3 smart cars. Have they tried investigating a stiff breeze?...The CBS Masters Theme sounds like music that you blow out the pilot on the stove to...Sebelius=Finnish...Sebelius is now the early odds-on favorite for TIME's Person of the Year. #believeitornotnotkidding...It appears that George Orwell was quite the optimist...The less Obama knows about something, the more certain he is about it when he speaks...Obama will turn up as the first face on Mount Rushmore with its eyes closed...It's time to shrug. These days it's all about denouement management..."the conch exploded into a thousand white fragments and ceased to exist"... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot April 10, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Nancy Pelosi is the vestigial organ in the body politic...How about this? No term limits, but we reelect politicians at the end of every day via a smartphone app...Obamacare has made things so bad for doctors that my proctologist is now trying to make money on the side by making balloon animals...Ironically, my rap name is also Dennis Miller...Liberals want women intellectually pregnant and entitlement barefoot...There's a lot of morons out there, and they seem to have the gavel now...I think if Howard Beale had gotten a second season, instead of telling you to stand up and be angry, he'd tell you to live your life inside-out...The country will get fixed one way or another. The only question is whether it'll be a 1929 fix or an 1861 fix...The revolution will be TiVoed...
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot April 3, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
It is the end of the America as we knew it. It just is...The Clinton Foundation is a Stargate for money that's been laundered more times than Al Roker's undies...Al Gore's army of True Believers will tell you everything causes global warming except burning deniers at the stake...If you have doubts about man-made Global Warming speak now. I don't believe in it, but I do believe the Left are about to heat it up to 451F...Some are now blaming the difficulty of the MH370 search on Climate Change. Face it folks, they're playing "6 Degrees of Global Warming" on the Left now...The physics on the missing Air Malaysia flight are so baffling I'm beginning to wonder if it might be lodged in Gov. Connally's wrist...Turns out the only copy of the new Obamacare tweaks were on the Air Malaysia flight...Vlad saying he has no need for the rest of Ukraine is like a guy in a duplex in Far Rockaway telling you the Montauk beach pad isn't for him...Putin just signed to play the villain in the new Bond flick "Goldnipple"... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot March 27, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Kathleen Sebelius is now channeling Emily Litella re: steamrolled Obamacare deadlines...I can't believe the Obamacare backers have gotten this far down the road with this mirage...I just saw Obama's Brackets and he didn't pick all 64 teams to tie! Where's the fairness in that I ask you?...Obama just surrendered the rest of Ukraine to a 22 pound cat...We should bring back the only administration that has dealt successfully with Russia in the last half-century - Moose and Squirrel...This is Rome burning while Nero is afraid to fiddle, lest the noise offend his enemies...I don't think the President is a noble man...My light-bulb moments still involve a big, honkin', 100-watt incandescent light bulb popping in over my head...I find it easier to believe in a God who walks around in the clouds than I find it to believe in a government that spends money wisely... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot March 20, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Let's embrace America 180 - give Sebelius a raise!...The irony of the Senate burning the midnight oil to draw awareness to capricious energy use is not lost on this correspondent...Just heard the 911 call of the guy trapped by the 22LB CAT! That is one huge pussy!...If they want to change the name to JohnRobertsCare, I'm ok with that...This President and his crew always seem to get adept AFTER things go wrong...60's feminists felt helpless so they got together to fight so that in the future Sandra Fluke could choose to be helpless...I get the distinct feeling the only time Obama is not on prompter is when he's breaking down his brackets for you...The Selfie Generation: never have lives so empty been so well-chronicled...Bill Ayers - is their anything sadder than a revolutionary on a pension? Can you imagine Zapata at a CVS counter arguing over a co-pay?... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot March 13, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
My vote for most-uttered phrase in the world today? "Hang on, my internet's really slow today"...Doc says I've got "Dennis Elbow" - probably from taking too many selfies...The next time the Democrats in Congress mention "Job Lock," offer them Term Limits and watch the Roadrunner clouds head off into the distance...Oh no! Rick Perry's breaking out his smart guy glasses!...If I pick a password that is rated "Very Strong," I might as well pick "Forget" as the password...Of all the genetically modified foods, the wall-eyed peas have to be my favorite...In Indonesia, Muslim leaders have declared the hunting and trading of endangered animals to be immoral - unless, of course, the animal has been Bar Mitzvahed...I don't believe in Global Warming, solely because Mika Brzezinski DOES...Spoiler alert! - On the 7th day, he rests... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot March 6, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Sure, Biden can jump, but he still has to wait for the President to tell him how high...Yay Piers! Lucky you CNN!...I don't get it - why would so many people be jumping off a speeding bullet train of ratings like CNN...Putin detected weakness when Baldwin went off the grid...Wow - Kiev awarded the next Winter Olympics!...I saw John Kerry speaking in letterbox format last night. I felt like I was talking to Fred Gwynne through the slot of speakeasy door and I couldn't come up with the password...Watching Kerry, waiting for him to pronounce it "Kai-Eve" to establish his intellectual bonafides...Hmm - I've got Kiev Wesleyan in one of the Play-In Games. My brackets are probably screwed already!...Samantha Power's tough talk with Russia is a counterbalancing gesture for conflating Daniel Pearl with the men who beheaded him #makegood... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot February 27, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
...as judged by a jury of his piers...Alec Baldwin masterfully gleaned the nuances of every imaginary person he ever played. Nice to hear he's about to begin to look at himself...Just read Baldwin's You-a Culpa...It will be interesting to see if Alec Baldwin follows thru on his threat to pull a full Eddie Albert/Eva Gabor...CNN needs a much less crotchety old man vibe. Bring back Larry King...New Reality Show. Rob Ford and Bieber doing time together in Toronto (and falling head over heels in the process!) called "Rob and Small"...Early Oscar Prediction. Best Score. Rob Ford, Toronto...The Left's George Will is Ed Schultz. Make of that what you will...Bill Clinton as First Husband, with all that time on his hands. Think "Phantom of the Opera" meets "House of Cards"... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot February 20, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
Bummer. I just lost my entire vaginal mesh settlement on five consecutive hands of Pai Gow in Laughlin...Jimmy Hoffa is now a mythic figure, the Loch Ness Mobster...People on the Maginot Line were more relaxed than Ex-Post Facto Twitter Correcticants...Boehner is THE Washington Redskin...If Goodell gave a hoot, he would do away with locker rooms. Let everyone dress at home and go home to shower cause feelings are being hurt!...OJ is starving himself to death. Finally he gets serious about punishing the real killer. #hurryup...Democrats are afflicted with Intention Deficit Disorder...Re: constant climate hysteria meets a lot of snowfall - Humans are like snowflakes in that apparently they never stop coming down on you...People need to be less pithed off and more pithy... And dot's dot, folks!
 
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot February 13, 2014
Dennis Dot-Dot-Dot
What if Michael Sam is like Manti Te'o and only imagined having a gay lover?...I think the next President will be a woman. Thus, Christie should roll the dice and adopt a zaftig transvestite persona known only as "Christie"...MSNBC sees traces of racism in everything. They're tracist...This country used to put our energy into innovation and intrepid behavior. Now we put it into a dog-paddle...Does Beyoncé even know what the slash above her "é" is called?...Bill Ayers. Nothing sadder than a revolutionary on a pension. You never saw Emiliano Zapata at a CVS counter arguing about an EDD co-pay...Olympic security is getting serious. You know those rifles they use in the biathlon? They're giving out those same rifles for the slalom...Obama is not only two-faced, he also speaks out of all 4 sides of his mouths...Obama is an inept civil servant. He's the guy in the toll booth who keeps giving too much change..."Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life" #justplayingsolitaire... And dot's dot, folks!
 
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